{"id":202,"date":"2021-10-10T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-10-10T08:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/?p=202"},"modified":"2021-10-15T16:22:27","modified_gmt":"2021-10-15T15:22:27","slug":"two-feet-on-the-floor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/two-feet-on-the-floor\/","title":{"rendered":"Two feet on the floor"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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This is what I tell myself to do most mornings; sometimes I don\u2019t have to, sometimes I can\u2019t, however most days start with the realisation that getting out of bed is the most important thing I can do. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m Spencer, the Chief Executive of Imago, new to Loughborough University and really proud to be here. I have been in management positions since the age of nineteen and I still have imposter syndrome.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In fact, over the years I have had many syndromes all in the brave attempt, or not so brave, to really hide what happens in my head, which dependant on the day, week or month can be anything from hilarious to downright scary, and it\u2019s exhausting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am 49 years old, most people don\u2019t believe this. It\u2019s not because of my boyish good looks but because generally I have an enthusiastic, energetic way of being. I bounce not walk, I laugh loudly, I engage with everyone, I always give my time and I never talk about things that have gone wrong or my problems. I give advice, seek the limelight and I am always open to receive a positive stroke. In short, I am a bit of a people pleaser and it\u2019s exhausting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Furthermore, I never stop. I definitely don\u2019t sleep, I am always on the go, working, seeing friends, organising a social event, attending a social event, reading something to make myself interesting, watching something to make myself interesting, phoning people just because and it\u2019s exhausting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I\u2019m not filling every second with stuff I think, though sometimes it\u2019s more than just thinking. I remember with regret, I worry why a friend hasn\u2019t responded to my message, I worry more that I haven\u2019t been able to respond to a friend\u2019s message. I convince myself I have upset someone, everyone and I am not sure how. I over analyse but I can\u2019t concentrate, I don\u2019t sleep, then again, I sleep too much. I don\u2019t want to talk, I want to be alone, I want to think about how much I should have done and it\u2019s exhausting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It continues. I panic about next week (not sure what about), I convince myself that I won\u2019t be very good, I\u2019m certain that no one wants to see me. I feel nervous to engage with people I know, so I engage with people I don\u2019t (no baggage there you see). I dream about winning the Lottery because then everything will be fixed, I think about starting everything new, I buy something, anything, firstly for me, actually always for me and it\u2019s exhausting\u2026 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You see I experience anxiety and depression, and it can be exhausting<\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

One feeds the other, I know this now. It took me forty-six years to get there following medication, counselling, psychiatry, and a stay at The Priory (no celebrities when I was there, just jigsaws and cardboard coat hangers!). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now I can<\/strong> manage it, I choose<\/strong> to manage it, and I do<\/strong> manage it because I got help. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know how to look after myself, I recognise the signs that tell me I may be starting to feel unwell and most importantly I do something, even if it\u2019s tiny. If I do something, it\u2019s a lot less exhausting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, this is what I know. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A sign of depression for me is when I constantly look back with regret. I know I can\u2019t change a thing but I want to – this makes me anxious because I convince myself I will make all the same poor decisions again. I\u2019m basically giving myself an impossible conundrum. I can\u2019t fix the past and I can\u2019t predict the future, yet I get wrapped up in both.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have to live in the now, the now is what I can control, the now is what I can enjoy, the now is where I am and who I have around me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It sounds simple: deal with what you can, when you can, the best you can. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have to remember I have a narrower window of tolerance than most people. We all get the same ups and downs thrown at us every day – the biggest difference is that many more people can cope with what life throws at them.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For those of us, and I know I\u2019m not the only one, who experience anxiety and depression, sometimes we just don\u2019t have the capacity and that\u2019s when everything goes wrong (well, not necessarily everything but I do like to catastrophise!).   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Equally, when things feel like they are going well, I will do anything to keep that feeling, always on, always up.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I have to remember that stability is what I need, not a series of highs and lows. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have to look after myself. I\u2019m not a better medical expert than my GP, so I take my medication and I take it when I should. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I always try to practice S.H.E.D. It\u2019s simple but it works:  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. Sleep<\/strong>: Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, and don\u2019t scroll on the phone before you close your eyes. <\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
    1. Hydrate<\/strong>: Drink lots of water – I aim to drink three litres a day. <\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
      1. Exercise<\/strong>: Now I am rubbish at this, so if anyone can help motivate me I would be delighted, but just a 30-minute walk each day can make all the difference. If you have time at lunch, go for a walk. You will be so much more productive and if you can find a team sport the enjoyment of doing something with other people is really infectious. <\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
        1. Diet:<\/strong> There is no easy way around this one. Chips, burgers, sugar and alcohol do not make for a mood free week, they create highs and lows all on their own! I am not a saint but I am mindful, I try to remember treats are called treats for a reason. <\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

          I also know that I must have somebody to talk to. Some people have lots, others just one, however many people you have, make sure there is someone. Don\u2019t wait like I did for forty-six years until you start talking. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

          When I do talk to someone, I must not deflect, just start to talk. It doesn\u2019t even matter what it\u2019s about it\u2019s just knowing that someone is there for you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

          Before I close off from these ramblings – which I hope have given you either a small insight or made you realise that it\u2019s not just you – I would like to ask everyone reading this to take away the following: <\/p>\n\n\n\n