{"id":237,"date":"2021-11-04T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-11-04T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/?p=237"},"modified":"2021-11-04T10:13:12","modified_gmt":"2021-11-04T10:13:12","slug":"lets-talk-about-miscarriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/lets-talk-about-miscarriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Let\u2019s talk about miscarriage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Image courtesy of Getty Images<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Having read the EDI blogs, I have been inspired by the brave people sharing their stories. Increasing the conversation on these difficult topics is the first step towards acceptance within our workplace.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

To add to the dialogue, I would like to\u00a0share my experience with miscarriage, specifically early miscarriage.\u00a0I have experienced\u00a0three\u00a0early miscarriages,\u00a0which all took place in\u00a02020: at 11 weeks, 7 weeks\u00a0and\u00a08 weeks\u00a0of pregnancy.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On each occasion, the miscarriage\u00a0happened\u00a0overnight at home but during a normal working week. Each time I continued\u00a0to\u00a0go to\u00a0work,\u00a0feeling\u00a0like this was my failure to deal with and I should not let it impact my job. The more times this has happened, the more I now realise\u00a0this wasn\u2019t\u00a0a healthy approach. Miscarriage is physically and mentally draining, it\u2019s okay\u00a0to not be okay.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

To set the scene, I am a Senior Lecturer in the School of Design and Creative Arts. I love my job and work hard at it. I started work at Loughborough in 2016, first as a Research Associate then as a Lecturer from 2018. I have a daughter who was born in 2017 following a smooth pregnancy. In 2019 we decided it was the right time for a second child. I had no worries, I assumed that this pregnancy would follow the same path as my previous pregnancy.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then in January 2020,\u00a0three\u00a0days before my 12-week scan I woke up\u00a0to\u00a0contractions\u00a0with my pregnancy leaking away from me.\u00a0I was not prepared for the physical and mental toll this would take on me. This\u00a0was nothing like\u00a0television\u00a0and film had led me to expect. While I knew a couple of women who had had\u00a0a\u00a0miscarriage, they were not close\u00a0friends\u00a0so\u00a0I\u00a0had no\u00a0\u2018real world\u2019\u00a0experience.\u00a0The media portrayal\u00a0of it\u00a0had\u00a0lulled me into a belief that miscarriage was quick\u00a0and relatively pain-free.\u00a0This is a huge injustice to the reality that many women face.\u00a0Had I not already given birth,\u00a0I would have said those contractions were the most pain I have\u00a0ever experienced. The contractions were sporadic but continued for\u00a0four\u00a0days. Although at the time I didn\u2019t know it, the bleeding would continue for\u00a0more than two and a half\u00a0months.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite the huge physical toll on my body and\u00a0the\u00a0mental anguish,\u00a0I told\u00a0almost no one at\u00a0work. I managed my workload by delegating to people I line manage\u00a0(I did not tell my manager). I felt like this was my problem, my failure\u00a0and\u00a0therefore I was responsible to manage\u00a0work to continue to achieve. I reorganised my week to avoid needing to attend in-person meetings and continued to work from home. Other than taking time off to go to the hospital for a confirmation scan, I was at work.\u00a0This quote from\u00a0Boncori\u00a0& Smith (2019) reflects my experience of my first miscarriage:\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThere is no workplace for mourning a life that never was in today\u2019s female academic lives. My own mother\u2019s life suspended in the Intensive Care Unit timeless space was only worth ten days of my work life \u2013 that\u2019s all one can take off from a job that owns your soul, your time, your marriage, your children. One simply must get on with it, contribute, and always be excellent. Nobody speaks of miscarriages in academia, they are painful secrets locked behind self-reporting sick leave forms and shut office doors; masked as flu, research leave, personal development time. But not as easy to recover from, I fear.\u201d\u202f – Boncori & Smith 2019<\/em> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In\u00a0Leicestershire,\u00a0to confirm a miscarriage\u00a0it is first necessary to get a GP appointment and then the GP can get\u00a0you\u00a0a referral to the\u00a0Early\u00a0Pregnancy\u00a0Assessment\u00a0Unit (EPAU) who\u00a0undertake a\u00a0scan to confirm that there is or is not a pregnancy.\u00a0From the GP phoning it is usually\u00a0two to three days\u00a0before an appointment can be made.\u00a0This is the worst time, as it is a period of uncertainty.\u00a0My second miscarriage\u00a0in\u00a0July 2020 started on a Saturday, so by the time I got a GP appointment on the Monday and then\u00a0got\u00a0an\u00a0EPAU appointment\u00a0the\u00a0\u201cproduct of pregnancy\u201d as it is called,\u00a0had\u00a0all\u00a0passed.\u00a0This\u00a0led\u00a0to many hospital appointments because the EPAU could not be sure\u00a0whether I had\u00a0a miscarriage\u00a0or if I was having an ectopic pregnancy.\u00a0Three\u00a0weeks\u00a0of regular blood tests later, they\u00a0confirmed\u00a0that\u00a0it\u00a0was not an ectopic pregnancy. My third miscarriage was in December 2020\u00a0and although my second and third miscarriages did not carry the same level of intense physical pain or duration as my first one, the impact they had on my mental wellbeing was shattering.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A big change over the\u00a0course of repeat miscarriage was my mental resilience. It\u00a0deteriorated\u00a0each time, as did my connection with the\u00a0Boncori\u00a0& Smith quote.\u00a0By the time I had my\u00a0third\u00a0experience\u00a0of\u00a0pregnancy,\u00a0starting with excitement,\u00a0followed by fear of loss, followed by the devastation of\u00a0miscarriage,\u00a0I had\u00a0no ability\u00a0to carry on\u00a0with\u00a0work as normal.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After my third\u00a0miscarriage, I\u00a0told everyone I was likely to\u00a0encounter\u00a0at work\u00a0what was happening and asked\u00a0them\u00a0to be patient and\u00a0understanding\u00a0with me. I was not prepared for the response. In being open about my experience, others were open with me about theirs. It turned out that many people I work with have suffered their own pregnancy loss or experienced a close friend going through similar. I put in a lot of effort to create a workplace persona\u00a0of control. Miscarriage does\u00a0not fit this image, it felt at odds with who I am at work. But the repeat experience meant I was no longer able to keep my home life separate from\u00a0my\u00a0work life\u00a0and maintain my work persona, but it turned out I didn\u2019t have to. I appreciate that everyone\u2019s work environment is slightly different, but for me, my colleagues were so supportive. I was still consumed and preoccupied with the physical and mental drain of my loss, but this time I was supported at work and didn\u2019t feel an added pressure of having to pretend I was okay.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The longer it has been since my last miscarriage the more open I have become about it and the more I ask myself: \u201cWhy does nobody speak of miscarriages in academia?\u201d.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

1 in 8 pregnancies end in miscarriage, so it is not surprising that it turned out I knew so many people with this experience. What is surprising is why didn\u2019t I know? Within higher education we all work so hard so perhaps like me, others feel it is not possible to show weakness and vulnerability whilst also being successful at work. This is the joy of the EDI blog, as it is a place to share experiences and recognise that we are all human.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Miscarriage\u00a0happens and it takes time to recover. Part of the problem is not knowing what to do about it \u2013 feeling alone at work whilst\u00a0also feeling\u00a0empty\u00a0at home.\u00a0The feeling\u00a0of sadness is all-consuming.\u00a0A\u00a0supportive workplace\u00a0structure\u00a0eases the pressure.\u00a0But we have further to go;\u00a0University policy on miscarriage absence needs to be clearly communicated if people are to feel supported in reporting in sick. If you do report in sick for miscarriage\u00a0this would be done in the usual method of self-certified absence, however, in my case,\u00a0a request\u00a0was\u00a0sent for evidence of a doctor’s appointment\u00a0at first reporting. The only evidence\u00a0I had\u00a0available was the scan result confirming non-pregnancy status. This is a very personal document and\u00a0was\u00a0emotionally hard to give to work.\u00a0In\u00a0New Zealand, there is an entitlement of\u00a0three\u00a0days paid bereavement leave for mothers and their partners following a miscarriage,\u00a0allowing\u00a0some initial time to focus on recovery.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am now pregnant again and very much hoping to have a baby in February 2022. But I carry with me the experience of prior miscarriage. Rather than it being an experience of joy and excitement that my first pregnancy was, this one is a constant worry that miscarriage may occur again. I no longer trust my body.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It hurts every time I am asked\u00a0\u201cIs this your first pregnancy?\u201d,\u00a0and\u00a0I reply\u00a0\u201cNo, it\u2019s my\u00a0fifth\u00a0pregnancy, I have one child\u201d.\u00a0The mental toll of repeated miscarriage is huge. In my opinion, it has had a bigger impact on my career than my maternity leave with my daughter.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For me, although I have been at work all the way through my\u00a0miscarriages, I have not been working at a capacity I was able to before. The mental load reduces my energy to go above and beyond\u00a0the\u00a0necessary. For me, that has meant grant applications and journal paper writing have been shelved. I don\u2019t know how long this will take to recover from.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, I\u2019d like to conclude with this final point. Let\u2019s talk about miscarriage. Let\u2019s not hide it away as a taboo subject. It is very likely that you know someone who has had a miscarriage. In the high paced work of academia many feel they are not able to pause to deal with their loss, so let\u2019s challenge that. We put huge pressure on ourselves to keep going. I hope that by talking about miscarriage it will become normalised and we won\u2019t feel ashamed or unable to take time out if we need to.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And if anyone is seeking support for pregnancy loss, I recommend the local charity Jakin<\/a>. They have helped me a lot with managing my anxiety and concerns about my current pregnancy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dr Ashleigh Filtness<\/strong> 
Senior Lecturer of Human Factors in Transport Safety, School of Design and Creative Arts <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boncori, I., & Smith, C. (2019). I lost my baby today: Embodied writing and learning in organizations.\u202fManagement Learning,\u202f50(1), 74-86.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Having read the EDI blogs, I have been inspired by the brave people sharing their stories. Increasing the conversation on these difficult topics is the first step towards acceptance within our workplace.   To add to the dialogue, I would like to\u00a0share my experience with miscarriage, specifically early miscarriage.\u00a0I have experienced\u00a0three\u00a0early miscarriages,\u00a0which all took place in\u00a02020: at 11 weeks, 7 weeks\u00a0and\u00a08 weeks\u00a0of pregnancy.\u00a0\u00a0 On each […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":693,"featured_media":238,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"lboro_blog_alternative_thumbnail_image":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-237","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-edi"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/237","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/693"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=237"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/237\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":241,"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/237\/revisions\/241"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/238"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=237"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=237"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=237"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}