{"id":265,"date":"2021-12-15T15:13:28","date_gmt":"2021-12-15T15:13:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/?p=265"},"modified":"2021-12-15T15:13:30","modified_gmt":"2021-12-15T15:13:30","slug":"disability-history-month-the-assumptions-of-adhd-and-other-invisible-disabilities","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/disability-history-month-the-assumptions-of-adhd-and-other-invisible-disabilities\/","title":{"rendered":"Disability History Month: The assumptions of ADHD and other invisible disabilities"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"
Image courtesy of Getty<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

At first glance, I would appear to be a\u00a0healthy woman\u00a0in the prime of her life (yes,\u00a0I am taking back our 30s as\u00a0the\u00a0prime\u00a0of our short and fleeting lives). Yet for years I have dealt with many hidden\u00a0disabilities\u00a0that have affected both my relationships and my life in general.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and depression at the age of 18, I\u2019d known for years that I struggled with worry, and over time this had severely affected the way I was living my life.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The surprise for me was my diagnosis of ADHD at the age of 29 and the impact this had on me without me even knowing.  Having two invisible disabilities meant that no one could understand the challenges I faced, so much so that it took 25 years for one to even be recognised (which is sadly not uncommon for women).  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can\u00a0experience a\u00a0bout\u00a0of anxiety that stops\u00a0me from functioning in my work life\u00a0or\u00a0symptoms of\u00a0depression that may exhaust me\u00a0to the point where I do\u00a0not want to be around anyone at all. My\u00a0day to day may look like a struggle to get out of\u00a0bed,\u00a0not\u00a0being able to totally relax after my working day,\u00a0or even more irritatingly I just may\u00a0not want to focus for long periods of time\u00a0on a day when I have something particularly important to do,\u00a0just because it does not interest me.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These small daily struggles may seem unimportant,\u00a0but\u00a0they\u00a0can\u00a0result in so\u00a0much exhaustion,\u00a0making it difficult\u00a0to get through\u00a0each\u00a0day.\u00a0And\u00a0it often\u00a0feels\u00a0worse because they are\u00a0not obvious symptoms of what people may see as a disability.\u00a0They can often be\u00a0questioned by those who cannot fathom things they cannot see. This leads to assumptions that I am lazy or\u00a0actively avoiding\u00a0responsibilities,\u00a0that\u00a0I am not working hard enough to become more resilient or confident, or the very worst\u00a0assumption,\u00a0that there is just something fundamentally wrong with me and it is down to my own bad choices. This application of stigma on invisible disabilities can be detrimental. The\u00a0number\u00a0of times that I have felt my symptoms exacerbating\u00a0and my self-worth plummeting, when I feel I have not been understood or seen, cannot be counted on both hands. Not only this,\u00a0but these assumptions about hidden disabilities can create so many barriers in life, both in relationships and your career.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I started my work journey I read over the job specification with trepidation – excellent focus, attention to detail, well organised \u2013 all skills that I felt I had been lacking over my school and university experience. I didn\u2019t know it then, but my ADHD  made these skills a real challenge and had played a part in my struggle to stay on task when in a school setting. When left to concentrate for long periods of time I often felt restless, would end up fidgeting and as my tutors used to say, I\u2019d become a \u201cdistraction and a nuisance\u201d. Over time I have managed to hone in these abilities, becoming particularly proficient because I had to work so much harder to achieve them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Within my university role, keeping myself focused is difficult. I often get distracted by noise or interruption and it can make tasks difficult to finish or get stuck into. I take extra care to focus when in a noisy office environment or when surrounded by the constant distraction of technology. My attention level with certain tasks can also be problematic. If I am not interested in doing something then I wholly resist doing it, even if it means procrastinating for hours on end. It has taken my recent diagnosis to realise that I needed to make some adjustments to my workspace and the way I work to help me focus.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I now make sure my desk is tidy and without too much clutter (although I am a fan of stationery and plants \u2013 I mean what\u2019s more relaxing than a plant?), and I have a way of making sure I break down my tasks to make them more manageable. Lastly, despite routine being a big plus for those with generalised anxiety disorder, it can sometimes be a struggle for my ADHD, so making small changes day to day can help me in settling down to complete a task, even the boring ones.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Team meetings are also a big problem for me, having to concentrate for long periods in one room. \u201cHow can I cope?\u201d, my brain screams. Knowing my limits in these situations can be an extra bonus: if possible, record the meeting to review details you may miss later; clarify those important points with an email to make sure you have understood. These little adjustments have made my working life so much easier and they are only small changes.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another life-changing, yet small tip,\u00a0is the use of\u00a0tools to keep\u00a0the\u00a0brain occupied. They say fidget toys were created for children, but personally, they have been my saviour for those long and sometimes dull meetings.\u00a0If you looked in any of my notes you would see multiple scribbles\u00a0of objects, flowers, cubes \u2013 these are my mind\u2019s way of\u00a0focusing.\u00a0A good manager would know that this is the case, that you are\u00a0trying your best to concentrate and\u00a0you’re\u00a0fidgeting or scribbling is a way to combat your neurodiversity. That\u2019s if you have a manager that goes out of their way to understand you and your way of working.\u00a0\u00a0If like me,\u00a0you\u2019ve\u00a0had a mixture of management styles over the years, you would know from experience that not having this understanding can be particularly upsetting and cause additional stress and anxiety.\u00a0My\u00a0ADHD\u00a0is a big\u00a0contributor\u00a0to\u00a0my anxiety and depression\u00a0and\u00a0when I am\u00a0already struggling with my work,\u00a0receiving\u00a0constant negative feedback from management can\u00a0put me into a downward mental health spiral.\u00a0I am not ashamed to admit I have had a few of those\u00a0as time\u2019s\u00a0gone by,\u00a0and\u00a0I have finally realised\u00a0that\u00a0this is\u00a0okay, we are not expected to be perfect,\u00a0so we should not have that expectation of ourselves.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Over my career,\u00a0I have\u00a0taught\u00a0myself ways of combating my weaknesses. I now make long lists of things I need to\u00a0remember,\u00a0I ask for help when I haven\u2019t quite followed a conversation or instruction, and most importantly, I listen to my body when I feel that it is becoming overwhelmed or overstimulated. Although I am\u00a0still\u00a0guilty of drinking too much coffee now and again!\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another career pickle I have found myself in is job boredom. Not the general boredom of day-to-day tasks (as we have established, that is already an issue). I mean the kind of boredom where I will impulsively up and leave a job because I no longer feel like it is giving me anything new.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now generally this isn\u2019t a bad thing; changing jobs and gaining experience can be so useful in life, and the different skills I have learnt have taken me further than I expect I may have gained in one role. However, bouncing from job to job sometimes does not look so good on a CV – employers may think there is something fundamentally wrong or that I couldn\u2019t keep down a job, rather than the truth being that the job couldn\u2019t keep me. To combat this, I try and mix up my work tasks frequently, volunteering for new responsibilities to keep things fresh and interesting for longer. I utilise my relationship with my team to make sure that work isn\u2019t just about the role but the people you do it with too. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This leads me to\u00a0another\u00a0big problem with having hidden disabilities, the effect\u00a0it\u00a0can have on creating and maintaining relationships.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Relationships can be hard enough at the best of times. The\u00a0energy that it takes to have a\u00a0regular\u00a0social life\u00a0can be exponential when you have anxiety or depression,\u00a0and the extra self-care that is required for those with many invisible conditions\u00a0can be confusing to those who haven\u2019t had this experience.\u00a0That\u2019s not to say that people won\u2019t at\u00a0some time\u00a0in their lives go through periods of anxiety or depression and see these struggles for themselves, but for those with a disability, this is their everyday.\u00a0This\u00a0isn\u2019t always\u00a0understood by many and can put a strain on friendships, family relationships and romantic relationships. In the past friends have become frustrated with my \u201cflaky\u201d nature when I have made plans and cancelled last minute because of my anxiety or depression.\u00a0They can feel personally insulted or let down without knowing that this is more to do with me than\u00a0it is\u00a0them.\u00a0These little\u00a0demons\u00a0as I\u00a0call\u00a0them can turn up at any time,\u00a0usually\u00a0in tandem, possibly holding hands.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Communication can also be a big issue. My brain often feels like it is a couple of stops ahead of the train. I am always thinking up my responses whilst someone may still be talking, causing me to miss important points in the conversation, or in many cases interrupting someone in the middle of a sentence in my impatience or excitement to respond (just in case I forget what I was going to say).  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a romantic relationship, other than being extremely frustrating for me this can also be exhausting for any partner. Especially on days when my ADHD feels like it has a mind of its own. I have always struggled with misreading cues when it comes to dating and can sometimes come on a little strong with potential partners. It has taken me years of trial and error in the minefield that is love to take a step back and really assess a situation before jumping in headfirst. This is something that I look back now on with humour rather than embarrassment when I reflect on my conversational errors. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Luckily over the years, I have created many strategies that can assist me with curbing my impulsivity, keeping present in the conversation\u00a0and being\u00a0open and honest with people about how I am feeling.\u00a0This\u00a0is\u00a0a huge step forward for me.\u00a0I remember a time when I would become\u00a0intensely\u00a0upset or irritable over the smallest thing.\u00a0Who\u00a0else\u00a0starts\u00a0inconsolably\u00a0crying\u00a0over the noise level\u00a0of a room\u00a0or because they feel too hot? (I would recommend earplugs for all you noise-sensitive folks out\u00a0there;\u00a0they have been a saviour\u00a0for me).\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These strategies can either change the rest of my day or be gone in the next ten minutes. My moods can switch so unpredictably that you\u2019d think I was a human yo-yo. This is what professionals call emotional dysregulation. It can be overwhelming for us folks with mental health and\/or neurodiverse conditions to not be able to put the brakes on our feelings.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u00a0always feels like there are still so many assumptions\u00a0when it\u00a0comes to\u00a0disability. Many\u00a0people feel the need\u00a0or the right\u00a0to comment\u00a0on\u00a0our\u00a0symptoms\u00a0or\u00a0go as far as to say\u00a0we are\u00a0personally being difficult.\u00a0There is a\u00a0lack of\u00a0understanding\u00a0about\u00a0the fact that\u00a0you have\u00a0no control over\u00a0your\u00a0symptoms\u00a0when you have an invisible disability\u00a0\u2013\u00a0an assumption you\u00a0may not make\u00a0with someone with a visible disability. In the past, I have even\u00a0gone\u00a0as far as to hide my own conditions as to\u00a0not\u00a0ruin a new relationship or drive someone away. A\u00a0privilege I\u00a0fully\u00a0acknowledge\u00a0comes\u00a0from\u00a0having an\u00a0invisible\u00a0disability\u00a0\u2013 oh what a perk,\u00a0ey?\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since the theme for this year\u2019s Disability History Month is Relationships and<\/strong> Sex, it would be remiss of me not to mention the impact an invisible disability can have when being intimate with a partner. Let\u2019s not get squeamish here, we\u2019re all adults and sex is natural.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So many conditions can have a huge effect on a person\u2019s private activities and their pleasure within the bedroom. I cannot comment on other disabilities, nor can my experiences completely tally with others with ADHD or mental health conditions, as everyone is different and has their own experiences.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

However,\u00a0I can speak a little about\u00a0how it has affected\u00a0my own relationships\u00a0and sex\u00a0life. As it is most likely that my depression and anxiety\u00a0are\u00a0symptoms\u00a0of my undiagnosed ADHD,\u00a0it seems prudent to start with the many years of anxiety medication and the huge impact that this\u00a0can have\u00a0on your sex drive generally. Not having any energy or desire to be intimate with a partner\u00a0can really put\u00a0a\u00a0strain on your relationship and can be additionally draining when you feel you\u00a0are having to\u00a0explain yourself repeatedly. I tell you now that if this is the case,\u00a0you need to have a serious conversation with your partner about your disability\u00a0because you are not being heard and\u00a0you deserve a loving and equal relationship just as much as anyone\u00a0else.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not only this but distraction can be a killer\u00a0when in\u00a0the\u00a0bedroom, especially for those with ADHD. I am one to get distracted\u00a0halfway\u00a0through a conversation\u00a0that\u00a0I\u00a0started,\u00a0let alone having to concentrate for a long period\u00a0of time\u00a0during\u00a0foreplay\u00a0without thinking about whether I put my washing on!\u00a0Maintaining focus has always been a big issue for me and\u00a0it has taken many years to figure out my own\u00a0needs.\u00a0Although my own personal\u00a0remedies\u00a0for these issues\u00a0vary,\u00a0I assure you that\u00a0starting off\u00a0by\u00a0trying out\u00a0new things and\u00a0having an\u00a0open\u00a0conversation\u00a0is the key. Discussing with your partner what you like and don\u2019t like and what may help can really change up your experience and can only be\u00a0positive\u00a0for\u00a0everyone,\u00a0disability\u00a0or no\u00a0disability.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s been a long road and I\u00a0am trying my best to\u00a0live in the moment and not let any pressure\u00a0(from myself as well as others) interfere with my own experiences. It\u2019s a process\u00a0to understand yourself fully,\u00a0and\u00a0will never be\u00a0something you can immediately fix,\u00a0but\u00a0trust me,\u00a0it is worth it in the end.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The author of this piece has chosen to publish this anonymously<\/em> as part of the University\u2019s\u00a0<\/em>Disability History Month campaign<\/a>, which aims to raise awareness of staff and student experiences as well as share a wide range of supportive resources and initiatives for the University community.\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Any staff member with\u00a0a\u00a0physical\u00a0or hidden disability\u202fis welcome to join the\u202f<\/em>Staff Inclusivity Group<\/em><\/strong><\/a>, which advocates for equality in the workplace for colleagues with physical or invisible disabilities. The group is also a place to seek support from one another and challenge University policies and practices.<\/em>\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

At first glance, I would appear to be a\u00a0healthy woman\u00a0in the prime of her life (yes,\u00a0I am taking back our 30s as\u00a0the\u00a0prime\u00a0of our short and fleeting lives). Yet for years I have dealt with many hidden\u00a0disabilities\u00a0that have affected both my relationships and my life in general.\u00a0\u00a0 When I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":693,"featured_media":266,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"lboro_blog_alternative_thumbnail_image":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[14,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-265","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-disability","category-neurodiversity"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/265","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/693"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=265"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/265\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":269,"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/265\/revisions\/269"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/266"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=265"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=265"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.lboro.ac.uk\/edi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=265"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}