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“Talking to black boys about colorism is like talking to a brick wall”; a tricky assumption.

2 October 2020

11 mins

“Sometimes my experiences are dismissed. For example, they say things like it didn’t happen which is quite funny because it’s coming from a place of privilege on their part.”

By Aleida Hammond

Colorism. The hideously ugly little sister of racism. It causes discrimination among people of the same race. Hatred and divide. It is an issue that when spoken up about, the first reaction is annoyance. Which is why I wanted to talk about it with different perspectives. It affects a lot of people, and although it is such an explicit issue, whether in the media, in music videos or in dating, it is barely talked about. And I wanted to start to figure out why. It needs to be known and spoken about more all around the world, not just in the black community.

Generalization of our black brothers?

Colorism is a topic which annoys a lot of people. It is a sensitive topic and I wanted to break it down as well as I could. Subjects like these are topics that are important, but people seem to ignore because its uncomfortable. I first wanted to look at the definition of colorism.

The definition, which appeared in 1983, credited to Alice Walker, states that colorism is “the prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group.” This explains it to a tee really. Colourism is a deep routed problem, and like it or not we can see this today in many ethnic minority groups.

One show that I really think explained colorism well is black-ish. Although it in an American television show, it explains the problem in a simple and yet effective way that people across the world can relate to.

It stated that “black people come in many shades, from Mariah Carey to Wesley Snipes. Because we look different, we get discriminated against differently. For example, in the case of OJ Simpson, they distorted the lighting in a magazine so that he looked darker to make him seem more guilty”.

“In Asian communities, some people use visors and umbrellas to avoid the sun. In Indian communities, some dark-skinned actors say that they struggle getting roles even in Bollywood movies. And in the Latin community, products that bleach your skin are becoming increasingly popular. Slave owners divided the black community in half, putting dark slaves on the fields, and fairer slaves in the house, which has created tension and divide up until this day.” I found this insight to be very interesting.

As a black woman in the UK, a dark-skinned black woman, this issue is very personal to me. I personally cannot recall any explicit moments where I have been affected by colorism, unless it was tied into racism, which is a whole other topic. Being the only black child in my primary school, and then jumping from that to a primarily black and Asian (but still very white area overall), it was very difficult for me to navigate who I was as a darker skinned woman.

I have created this article to explore the perspective of young people on colorism, as well as to address the stigma that black boys don’t really care about colorism. While I think there is evidence to back this truth, for example as soon as you say the word “colorism” to any black boy, they start shifting a bit sideways. However, I wanted to hear other people’s perspectives on this topic.

Many of my brothers and sisters, however, have experienced more explicit examples of colorism. And I first wanted to give a voice to the women, black women specifically. Because we have to address the fact that the black women are the most underappreciated of all, and that we have not been given enough of a voice.

A perspective from our queens.

It is not only my opinion that matters. As well as the fact that it would be biased and unreliable to voice my opinion and my opinion only. So, I went to look for other people’s opinions to develop a more grounded based foundation. My girl popped up to my question, and this is what she had to say on it.

She stated that “I get why some would say this, sometimes my experiences are dismissed, for example they say things like it didn’t happen which is quite funny because it’s coming from a place of privilege on their part”.

I understood this opinion loud and clear. As people of colour in general we are surrounded by our own issues and discriminations. However, we still face our own divides within our own community simply because we don’t address it enough. For example, fairer skinned women are considered to be more desirable in relationships, in the media. The list is endless. And the rise of love and appreciation of dark-skinned women in music videos, television and on social media is lovely. But that doesn’t mean all of our problems have gone away. In order to move forward, we need to address these issues and not just ignore then because they’re not as bad and because they’re not as explicit as they used to be.

While reading an article by the guardian, I stumbled upon an interesting opinion. A woman in the UK wrote that “many black girls I pursued told me that they were only attracted to light-skin black boys”, while another confessed that their mother was ashamed of their skin: “At school, in mosque and at family gatherings, I was demonised.”

A lot of black women feel betrayed by black men because of the suffering they have been through, and the fact that a lot of the time, they attack us the most, when they should be on our side.

Another friend of mine had something to say on this exact issue. She stated that “I think some people (boys) talk about it, but a lot don’t and they add to the problem. They don’t uplift women but instead manipulate and belittle us to make themselves feel bigger and more manly”.

I received an opinion from my closest friend about the statement in the title of this article.

The statement says that “I agree to an extent. But its white boys too. And most black boys actually go for dark skins. I feel like boys in general should be mentioned. Because black boys got their struggles too with white boys acting the same but having less struggles. I would say. Say how boys in general being stupid and racist. You can mention black boys going against the beauty in their own kind. But I’d say yeah all boys.”

Although I agree with certain elements of this view, to me it just seemed like it was dismissing the issue at hand. It portrays a view (most black boys actually go for dark skins) that just simply isn’t true, and has been proved by history. This view presents a dismissal of what dark skin women face, as well as generalizing the problem and not acting like there is light skinned privilege. While on the topic of generalization, my close friend said this.

“I think the statement is quite diverse and when it comes to topics within the black community, I think we should strive to promote unionship instead of division. I think the major problem that people find with it is that SOME of them didn’t defend black women as often when they face disadvantages.” She also stated that “But always say ‘some people’ to avoid generalizing them all”.

Overall, I think that out of all the statements that I received, this one summed up the issue with the most eloquence. It demonstrates an opinion which is not closed minded, but still firm and not weak.

So, what do the boys have to say about this?

Colorism in general is a sticky subject. I knew that it’s a subject that annoys people and makes people uncomfortable. This is precisely why I wanted to write an article about it. Like it or not, it is an issue that affects a lot of people. And it affects dark-skinned women the most. Features that are considered to be “dominating” and “sexy” on our male counterparts are considered to be “masculine” and “threatening” on us. The fact is that we are not only ridiculed for our features by other races, but by people in our own race.

While reading an article from The Guardian, I read a response that was surprising. A man stated thatAs a medium-tone black man living in the UK, I have experienced and perpetuated colourism several times. As a teenager, many black girls I pursued told me that they were only attracted to light-skin black boys. For many black men, an attractive golden complexioned woman is a sign of success and status, as is evident from the skin tone of highly successful black sportsmen and entertainers in the UK and US. Many won’t admit it publicly, but it’s an uncomfortable truth”. What made it surprising to me was how explicit and to the point it was.

 I asked some of my male friends and associates what they thought about the assumption I made, as well as the statement in general if it hadn’t of come from me.

One of my friends mentioned that the assumption was “true” and that, “we kinda just shrug it off and say it’s not that deep”.

What I found most interesting (but not shocking), was that most of the boys I asked disagreed with the comment.

One stated that “some boys get penalised for being a colourist when it’s just their main preference of girls. That’s why they get frustrated at the topic”.

Another stated that they “don’t agree. I’m open to have a discussion about that, without acting like a brick wall. People do it, it happens, people discriminate against people in their own race”

Preference in general has always been the ugly little cousin of colourism. It ties into favouritism, and can be highly deceptive. For me, you can have whatever preference (and I use that word very lightly) you want. That’s absolutely fine. But the issue arises when you state that you have your quote unquote preferences, and still go out of your way to bash dark-skinned women unprovoked.

The general consensus that I got was that it was a generalisation.

“I don’t think you can generalise black boys. Of course, there are some that don’t care but there are many that do. Amongst the people I know though, colourism has never been an issue, I just hear of things on social media more time”. This was also stated by a friend of mine.

Finally, one said that “Colourism is a problem within the black diaspora, but I feel like there has been a march of progress for the community, despite of the Twitter blasts and current examples of famous people sticking to a lighter shade. I also feel like black boys understand the issue but some for sone it’s not actual self-hatred just because it seems like black girls don’t get the same love. Plus, I feel like the pressure and blasting is what makes black boys turn into a brick wall as it seems too much and constant blasting towards them even though not all the facts are true”.

Conclusion, if there even is one yet

This array of perspectives to me honestly wasn’t surprising. It’s nice to hear a different perspective. Overall though, there has been a road blockage somewhere.

There is a gap. Black boys say they would want to talk about it, but black women feel as if black men have neglected this conversation. So, there is clearly something wrong here.

The fact that we can’t make a solid conclusion is something that can’t be ignored.

We cannot act like we stand together against the big sister called racism, when we continually ignore its little sister colorism.


Aleida Hammond is an artist, writer and a poet. Her hobbies include playing the guitar, writing short stories and poetry and art. Currently studying at Loughborough University, she has finished a foundation course and is going on to her first year of studying Fine Art. What got her into art and writing was the encouragement of her primary school teachers. They encouraged her to use channel her imagination and continue to be creative. Other hobbies that she has are exercise, basketball, reading and dance.

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