Ten years ago, I was at Judo. I was fighting this boy, as we fell to the floor and grappled to score a point I felt an emotion towards him. An emotion that I didn’t understand nor was it explained I should feel this towards another boy. Why I am telling you this, sometimes at the time we can’t always explain or realise the significance of moments. 10 months, the time since my first blog. It is also 10 months since I cried with happiness on my bathroom floor after publicly ‘coming out’. As I type these words on the same phone, the person holding it has changed. In fact I sometimes surprise myself with how far I have got. Five years ago I would hate having to introduce myself to new people, today I enjoy meeting new people and networking.
We are all shaped by millions of experiences. From the moment I got promoted to Flight Sergeant in the Air Cadets, to a primary school teacher saying to me “Remember, you may be small but you are strong”. Each moment subtlety changes me. I will never know what my life would be like if I didn’t go to Loughborough University. In fact sometimes I feel I am a baton in a relay race. From primary school to where I am now, everyone helps me move forwards, but there is a moment where I have to move on for my own good. I have got a very long way to go. As I impress myself with one skill, it only highlights how far I have got to go with some of my other weakness.
The words I have wrote in my blogs have honestly changed my life. Opening up about my moments of happiness, my sexuality, my career, and even my motivations have been intrinsically good for me. But while taking you on the journey has been so important for me, I can’t stand still. As humans we often shy away from things which scare us and while the words on this blog can be carefully crafted to present a certain portrayal of me on paper, life isn’t so simple. I can make educated guess about what my life will be like in 10 months, though I do not know.
At this moment I want to say thank you if you are reading this. I may not know you, but if you have learnt anything from me I take great pride. If you go to Loughborough University and know me, that is pretty amazing. Back in July when I won a Loughborough Experience Award I was really touched knowing the difference I made to some people. In my speech I had one key message, I came to university to learn, from all of you and I hoped to take away the best of every single person who I got to know at university. I am sad to have left Loughborough University but it is someone else’s turn.
If I can give you two pieces of advice. Firstly, as I used to get told frequently in the Air Cadets and held me in good stead at university, you get out, what you put in so make the most of any opportunity. Even last week I voluntarily got up to work at 3am so I could shadow an operational member of staff in Heathrow’s Terminal 5. Secondly, don’t just worry about the destination, enjoy the journey. At times I have worried so much about reaching my goals, I forgot to enjoy my time while doing it.
This is my last blog. Good luck with the future and enjoy your Christmas. I wonder what we will all be up to in ten years time.